I’ve written lots on different topics about our kids, lives, the Lord, and our journey with FA. As I’ve watched yet another hot summer pass while my husband toils and labors in his dusty cabinet shop, I wanted to take the time to give a reflective and appreciative nod to my Wade.  He is often behind the scenes, usually working his tail off, but he is absolutely the glue that helps keeps our family functioning.  If this blog is still here years on down the line,  I want our children to be able to know just who the man is and was, that loves them more than himself; and how he continually gives to make sure that their needs and wants are not only met, but exceeded when possible.

A glimpse back, starting at chapter one:

“Annie, if you don’t have lasting intentions for this boy, you need to let him go right now.”

The year was 1997 –  I was just welcoming in the sweet summertime.  I was fresh out of nursing school and beginning to reap the benefits of my past 4 years of hard work.  New job, new car, new responsibilities, new freedom, but best of all:  new cash flow!!  Career wise, things couldn’t have been any better.  I had set my goal and by the sheer grace of God, I had finally reached it.

The romance department, however, was a different story entirely.  I had dated more than a few since the age of 16, been in love once, but really felt caught in that cheesy saying: “Dating is like a snowstorm.  You have to suffer through a lot of flakes.”

I felt I needed a sub zero parka and gloves at this point in my life.

Not being tied to anyone at this point, I had already reached out to the Air Force, deciding I would just travel and build up my new career.

Enter into my world Wade Brown and his beautiful little 2 year old daughter, Kinsey.  My mother immediately fell in love with Wade’s tender spirit and genuine goodness; and as a result, admonished me harshly that this was not a situation to be taken lightly.

Leave it to Lu to cut right to the chase and not leave a trace of sugar coating on anything.

“He is looking for a wife and mother.  Don’t be playing games with him.”

*Eye roll*……….I got ya, mom.  I see it, too.

As we began our courtship, I was certainly cautious.  He was freshly divorced, and trying to find how to navigate unfamiliar waters.  I knew he was not in the game for just a casual dating relationship.  Mom was right.  He wanted a forever mate – not just a seasonal girlfriend.  He had a lot at stake, and nor was he the type for solitude.  I was equally unsure if I could be not just what he was looking for, but rather what he and his daughter needed.  And to be completely honest, the more I got to know him, I wondered if I could actually be what the man deserved.

I still to this day wonder that on occasion.

As many times as I prayed for the Lord to show me something while we dated, any red flag to throw the brakes on this relationship – this big hearted carpenter and father just kept getting better and better, the more time we spent together. I looked long and hard for flaws: a bad temper, a contentious spirit, a seed of bitterness, weak work ethic, destructive habits – but I never found ’em.

And then there was that sweet little “Tinsey Chae Bwown” (as she would call herself), with her sidekick signature cup of “chocky milk”, long golden locks, and a grin that’d melt butter……… She was in love with her daddy, and the feeling was definitely reciprocated when I would observe the two of them together.

Hhhhmmmmmm…

Sweet and tender spirit – check. Great father – check. Hard working – check. Shares same values – check. Honest – check. Goes to church – check. My family adores him – check. A baby girl that was quickly wrapping herself around my heart – check.

“Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart.”  Psalm 37:4

It didn’t take long for me to be completely smitten all the way around.

Fast forward a few months to the fall and a hilarious marriage proposal in New Mexico (I didn’t make the best impression on my future in-laws!!).  When his knee hit the snow to slip a ring on my shaky hand, I knew my days in the snowstorm were at last over.

Let the wedding and forever life plans now commence.

On a beautiful, sunny, spring day at Wintersmith Park  on May 16, 1998, bride and groom sealed the deal.  A new family was born, and the second chapter of our life story began.

Over the course of the next five years, I watched my carpenter welcome into our nest with tears of joy a new son and and a new baby daughter; complete a home remodel; lose the job he had (since the age of 14) with his dad’s cabinet shop; step out and open up his own millwork business; hold down the fort during a major kidney surgery I underwent when Kathryn was a only a year old.

The following 5 years saw a move to the country; an even bigger home remodel facing him; and an ever expanding and demanding cabinet business….

While honeymooning in Jamaica, we had made a solemn pact that no matter what, we would come back to this island resort for our 10 year anniversary.  But life never promises predictability, does it?  Instead of finding ourselves making travel plans, the end of the first decade of our lives together was instead marked by the diagnosis of Sam in November of 2008 with Friedreich’s Ataxia. After our new move, we had hoped that life would soon be slowing down, starting to become more manageable, hopefully somewhat easier, the stress becoming a bit less – but the vice grip instead tightened harder, and new demands were being heaped on already tired shoulders.

Because of custody issues, our first year of marriage had proved to be extremely trying and difficult, just as the old adage goes. “If you can survive the first year……” Well,  I had prided our marriage for braving that storm, thinking we could now surely weather anything together…….but never believing  what we’d be forced to face in dealing with the many complex problems that FA and a chronically ill child would bring into our home.

I shamefully admit that in the few years following Sam’s diagnosis, I became so immersed in my own grief and future fears, there were many instances in which Wade needed my support, my encouragement, my shoulders, my touch – but I had nothing to give during a lot of those times. Between the Lord’s faithfulness and Wade’s unending supply of patience, I pulled through those days.  I’d be amiss to not realize that Christ too, carried my husband through some dark places as well, during that season.

Lasting growth doesn’t happen when conditions are always favorable and perfect.  I guess that is a universal life lesson that demands that we learn it eventually.

We soon discovered however, a repeating truth through those hard days: goodness and blessing always seemed to follow a new wound that FA would cause.  Needs that kept creeping up – whether obvious and visible to others, or private, inward struggles, our needs were nonetheless being met.

“For your Father knows what you need, even before you ask Him.”  Matt. 6:8

Though I’ve seen my carpenter broken more than once over the loss of Sam’s declining functions and abilities, or for being denied certain rite-of-passages that normally happen between father and son, or seeing his child battle against an illness that he was powerless to stop – I’ve also got to stand back and be the witness of some extraordinary moments between the two of them during the past 8 years.

Tender moments that still make me cry and smile simultaneously when I revisit the moments in my head…..

Being in the Atlantic ocean during Sam’s Make-a-Wish trip

Touching toes in the cold Pacific ocean for the first time

Soaking up the majesty of the Grand Canyon

Sharing a quiet moment to gaze at the incredible wonder of Yellowstone

And last, but certainly not the least, getting to be present when Sam bagged his first turkey  (It had not been too long before this picture that I had witnessed Wade break and cry, fearing he’d never be able to take his son hunting. Some kinds of surprises are always the best.) 

I’ve always told our girls that if they’re going to find someone like their father, they better be prepared to look high and low, proceed with prayer, and be patient through the snowstorm.

This world doesn’t produce many like their daddy who loves with every fiber of who he is.

I’m proud to say that he’s set a wonderful example for our girls, and I can only hope they’ll not settle for anything less.

Now that we are closing in on our second decade together,  I can see just how broad this man’s shoulders have become. He’s weathered quite a few storms in his 42 years and has carried burdens that most  will never have to experience.  I can see growth within our marriage and relationship. I have learned that love – well, it’s much more than just a feeling. It’s more than mere words. It’s a continual, deliberate, choice wrapped up in a lifetime of actions that build each other up, and not tear down.

So very different than the notions and ideas I had in my young head when I said, “I do”……

In essence, I see a man who I am humbled to be married to.

In the last few days that I’ve sat and reflected on our past 18+ years of marriage, this one verse comes to mind so many times:

“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.” Eph 5:25

The apple of Christ’s eye is the church, and He has always, and is still, at this minute, working to build, and restore, and longing to be with – His church.

That’s how I picture my husband perfectly.  Everything he does is always motivated out of love for us. To build us up. To restore what life sometimes breaks. And always longing to be with us.

But here lately, I can’t look the other way – I  also see a man who is tired.  In the last 3+ years, he has been basically the sole bread winner for us, in order to allow me to be at home full time and focus on Kathryn, homeschool, and to be available for Sam and his increasing needs.

I’ve watched the lines on his brow deepen as he spells out the day’s goals, demands, and mental lists while he quickly sips on his morning cup of coffee.  I’ve watched him time and again be interrupted from a task to handle a nervous homeowner, or an irritated contractor, or one of his material suppliers.  He relishes the rare times when he is not tied to the cell phone, and I can see why.  While it reminds me that he is sought out for his excellent work and skill, and that this is what pays our bills, and that this is what keeps us going – I can also see that the load and pace is taking a toll on him.

It seems that once again, God is again rearranging our lives for yet another change in routine.  We are hoping and waiting that doors are potentially opening for me to return to my career, to let Wade try his hand at being Mr. Mom, and to hopefully slow down for once in the cabinet shop.  We have found in the past several years that our situation dictates that one parent needs to be available for the needs and functions of our family.  It just is what is, and that’s not always a bad thing, ya know?

So we wait, watch, and let the Lord rearrange the puzzle pieces of our story as He sees fit.

Through lots of discussions of me handing the helm of the house, I couldn’t help but get tickled a few weeks ago when he said with a grin, “You know – I’m getting kinda excited to try this.  I really want to get this frugal thing down and show you that I really can do it!  I’ve been thinking about menus, how to start cooking more healthy, how to grocery shop……” Kathryn and I have frowned though, having to listen to him preach about “laying down” the coming laws of home school, the checkbook, and the like. A new sheriff in town – yeah, we get it.

I’m looking forward to the coming changes, mostly because I know he is.  And I know he needs change. And he needs a nap.

I didn’t tell him that I’ve never doubted his abilities to adapt and change to benefit his family.  It’s all he’s ever known, and it’s what he does the best.

These calloused hands have always been involved in the process of building and construction – while selfless love, integrity, and character have been the blood that’s kept them going.

Always.

I sure do love him.